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Thursday 25 March 2010

Hometime!

Fringe Girl here. Tiny Little Baby Feet has gone back to the land of families, home cooking, and dishwashers, and left me to blog by myself. I know, how cruel of her! The others are also slowly disappearing. Of the important ones, The Random Ugandan, Rarebit Biologist and Talksalot are leaving early tomorrow. Hippy Girl has already left, along with Whiney Mcwhinesalot. Salvador Dalí, who only realised that the Easter holidays started next week about four days ago (oh, I wonder what it'd be like to live in his world!) will probably drive down at some obscene time in the middle of the night.

So, there will be a lack of flatmate drama to write up in the coming weeks! Luckily we have a stash of stories to keep the reading several entertained while we are away from this place we call "The Ground Floor". And in three weeks we'll be back, snooping for fresh gossip!

Tuesday 23 March 2010

Changes

Loud Mangirl moved out today, taking her nice cutlery with her. This will either mean an empty room for a couple of months, or, probably most likely, a new flatmate. This will be interesting, as this place has got pretty cliquey since we all moved in, and we've become like an extremely small (and pretty weird) village somewhere in the West Country that doesn't take kindly to strangers.

In other news, Whiney Mcwhinesalot has returned from a week at home and decided to blank all flatmates for no apparent reason. Hardly surprising, as before she left she posted a Facebook status declaring that we were all "a bunch of twats". This from a girl that complains that no one here likes her. She also accused Hamster Spurs of stealing her milk, and threatened to report him to the police (no, I'm serious!). Hamster Spurs is lactose intolerant. I think this is one for Gil Grissom and his trusty team, as, so far, the case remains open.

Earlier this week, The Random Ugandan got very drunk. This was very amusing. Did you know that Jesse Jackson was born in 1927 and invented the modern spoon? No, neither did we.

Thursday 18 March 2010

National Fail Week

Over the last week, Tiny Little Baby Feet and Fringe Girl have encountered a multitude of fails. So much so, that we have become convinced that we are, in fact, cursed. These fails started with Fringe Girl shutting the door on her own face (don't ask), and have worsened with the passing days. Not a single lecture has been attended by Fringe Girl during the week, though Tiny Little Baby Feet has attended ALL of her lectures (which also counts as a fail). Tonight, after spilling the contents of Fringe Girl's ashtray/glass on her floor (and there was a LOT of ash in there!), we managed to set it on fire. We do not know how this occurred. We cannot even begin to explain.

If this continues, we will need the name and number of a witch doctor. FAST.

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Wednesday 17 March 2010

St. Patrick's Day

Flatmates pissed on our happy St Patrick's Day bonfire (figuratively, of course). We feel that we both have the right to celebrate it, as Tiny Little Baby Feet has a horrible St Patrick's Day last year (to the point that until 48 hours ago she was planning to curl up in a ball tonight), though she has now decided to embrace it and make it a fantastic night, and Fringe Girl has always felt strongly connected to her Irish heritage (Hi, mum and dad!). She even has an Irish last name. So, we are ignoring the cries of "Oh, it's just an excuse to get drunk!" and are treating it... As an excuse to get drunk.

In an escape from our bonfire-pissing friends, we went outside, and met with Weird Ian (who is both weird, and named Ian). He was also embracing the green, Celtic spririt... Weirdly. As is how he seems to do everything. We enjoy Weird Ian. He brightens our day!

Tuesday 16 March 2010

Crackhead

Named Crackhead due to the ground floor's suspicions about the person behind the sudden appearance of 'Crackhead ' on the wall outside the rooms of Tiny Little Baby Feet and Fringe Girl. It was blatently her, for the win.
We don't see her much - some people are not sure if she even lives here, although, word on the street states that a boy left her room about a week ago. Presumably he was not there alone. That would be weird.

Her song is: The Shamen - Ebeneezer Goode

Hamster Spurs

Named thus as he has a hamster and supports Spurs, much to the dismay of Fringe Girl and Tiny Little Baby Feet.
Is currently in a strange relationship with Mouthy McMoutherson.
Has a magnitude of cigarette butts outside his window - he maintains that they are not all his. But he lies. HE LIES.
Seems never to go to lectures, however, this could be due to his tramp-like nature. Also studies French, which is a fail (according to Tiny Little Baby Feet, who suspects his penis is also a fail).

Hamster Spurs song is: MC Solar - Le Belle et Le Bad Boy

Whiney McWhinesalot

Tiny Little Baby Feet often feels the urge to ask Whiney McWhinesalot: 'Would you like some cheese with that whine?'. There are a multitude of issues surrounding her;
1) Whiney McWhinesalot had a crush on Tiny Little Baby Feet to the point of obsession. She made no attempt to hide this. She refused to leave a room while Tiny Little Baby Feet was changing, following this she then said she was going to watch outside with her binoculars. She also attempts to hug Tiny Little Baby Feet, who is not a hug person, frequently. It does not go down well.
2)Whiney McWhinesalot irritates Fringe Girl to the point of insanity, mainly due to her jealousy of Tiny Little Baby Feet's friendship with her. Apparently we are not allowed to be better friends than she is with Tiny Little Baby Feet (currently a non-existent friendship)
3)Whiney McWhinesalot's Boyfriend is one of the biggest aresholes in the world. He has shouted at Fringe Girl without reason on a number of occasions and then felt the need to try to get everyone on his side. This was an Epic Fail - wanker child.

We do not like her.
Her Song is: Beatfreakz - Somebody's Watching Me

Salvador Dalí

It may not actually be possible to adequately describe Salvador Dalí. With him, what would be a thirty-second exchange of pleasantries will turn into a two-hour conversation about the concept of time. Fringe Girl enjoys this, as talking bollocks with people is her favourite hobby. Tiny Little Baby Feet would like to add that this is acceptable as long as you don't have to be somewhere at any point in the near future. Although a rare occurence, Fringe Girl recently enjoyed the pleasure of Salvador Dalí whilst intoxicated.

Although there was stiff competition from Cyndi Lauper with Time after Time his song is:
Blur - Out of Time

The Random Ugandan

Firstly, we feel we should point out that The Random Ugandan is not ACTUALLY from Uganda. For whatever reason, he just likes to pretend that he is, which amuses us greatly. Wrote a book about the flatmtes in which he killed off Oversensitive Girl, and quite possibly Salvador Dalí. Also had both Fringe Girl and Tiny Little Baby Feet have affairs with Sociopath Wanker (in the book, in the book!), which neither of us were amused by. Very nice man, VERY good at accents, especially Ugandan and "Sith Efrican". Eats a ridiculous amount of yoghurts. Also likes fish fingers, as they allow him to make ridiculous innuendos about putting his fingers in Fringe Girl's oven.

His song - Toto - Africa

The Hippy

Moved in one day in November, during which time Fringe Girl, Rarebit Biologist and Talksalot were extremely hung over after hitting a jug of cosmopolitans like there were diamonds at the bottom. Generally adorable, has a very lovely boyfriend (The Hippy's Boyfriend, in case you don't see the pattern by now), a Brummie accent, and goes on Duke of Edinburugh trips.

Her song: Beck - Nitemare Hippy Girl

Rarebit Biologist

Loud, giggly, and a wonderful person to go to when you need a hug. Enjoys rugby, cider, and talking about echinoderms. Does not enjoy it when the sink in the kitchen leaks (once almost deafened Fringe Girl and The Random Ugandan by shrieking "THERE'S A LEAK!", something that has become ledengary amongst the flatmates). Has a boyfriend (named Rarebit Biologist's Boyfriend, naturally) who appears to call her several hundred times every day to tell her that he loves her.

Her song: Tom Jones - The Green, Green Grass of Home

Funnywhendrunk

Did not drink (due to religious reasons) until one night at a bar in town, when he was accidentally given a mojito. Now seems to enjoy alcohol a LOT. Also smoking. Also wearing pajamas in public without actually realising that they are pajamas. Supports Manchester United, which has endeared him to Tiny Little Baby Feet, and made Fringe Girl lose all respect for him (can you guess that we argue over football?).

Once mumbled to himself when cooking, and when asked what he was saying by Rarebit Biologist, said "Oh, I'm just being erotic". We assume he meant to say 'neurotic'.

His song: Santana - Samba Pa' ti

McBlondey Dumb

Very blonde. Once had the following conversation with Fringe Girl:

McBD: Can you eat halal meat?
FG: I'm a vegetarian...
McBD: I know, so can you?

Another conversation, this time with Tiny Little Baby Feet:

McBD: I'm albino, you know?
TLBF: But you're not, are you? You don't have red eyes and your hair isn't blonde enough.
McBD: I am, my doctor said so!
TLBF: But you're NOT.

... She's not.

Is currently sleeping off a hangover in Mouthy McMoutherson's room, after vomiting in her own some time in the early hours of this morning. Fringe Girl dislikes this idea immensely, due to her general aversion to vomit.

Her song: Blondie - Rip Her To Shreds

Loud Mangirl

So-called because she hails from Manchester (oh, and don't we know it from the accent). Often drunk, rarely in lectures, once accidentally dyed half of her hair greyish-blue. Though, picked us up from the airport a few weeks ago, so can't be all bad, we suppose. Very good friends with McBlondey Dumb, who has a similar personality.

Her song: Oasis - The Importance of Being Idle

Oversensitive Girl

Oversensitive Girl, needless to say, is oversensitive. Sees Talksalot as the bully of the flat, and finds it difficult to be in the same room as her. Is actually lovely, however. Enjoys maths (and would kill us for writing that), goes to bed early, and is ill a lot.

Her song: Laura Marling - Ghosts

The Invisible Man

Fringe Girl has only met The Invisible Man once, on the first day of unviersity. She does not remember this, as it was after one two many shots of Bacardi (understatement of the century). Sightings of The Invisible Man are rare and exciting, as for quite some time several of the flatmates were under the impression that he did not exist.

Invisible Man's song is: Queen - The Invisible Man

Talksalot

Talksalot has a very interesting personality, in that she can go from being lovely to greatly dismissive within the passing of seconds. This has caused friction with several other flatmates (namely Oversensitive Girl). An able chef, and often thinks that her own food is better than that of others. Having said this, we feel that Talksalot also has the potential to be rather fun and lovely. Just don't mention Europe. Or boyfriends. Or literature. Talksalot is best friends with Rarebit Biologist, and has also formed a close friendship with The Random Ugandan, after an initial dislike of him.

Her song is: Black Eyed Peas - Shut Up

Caterpillar Medic

Named after the Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, Caterpillar Medic is constantly... erm... How shall we put this? Stoned. We imagine that when he is getting stoned, he blows smoke letters from his mouth, whilst similtaneously puffing on shisha. He is also a medic, hence the second part of his name. Tiny Little Baby Feet hates all medics, due to a long-term relationship with Twatface Medic. Caterpillar Medic is usually found with a constant stream of women coming into his room, and a constant stream of foul-smelling smoke coming out. He appears to have shunned the rest of the ground floor.

Song = The Beatles - Strawberry Fields

Mouthy McMoutherson

Mouthy McMoutherson is an extremely lovely girl, who does not seem to know the power of her own voice. She is currently in a strange relationship (of sorts) with Hamster Spurs, which generally involves them screaming at each other at four in the morning, much to the annoyance of Tiny Little Baby Feet and Fringe Girl. However, she allows us to use her staff discount to buy shoes, which makes up for this greatly. Mouthy McMoutherson shares our dislike of Sociopath Wanker, and is in the unfortunate position of being in the room between his and that of Caterpillar Medic. Once asked, during a disscusion on the ratio of fat to breast tissue, "Are my boobs obese?".

Mouthy's Song is: No Doubt - Just a Girl

Sociopath Wanker (and girlfriend)

How do we begin to describe Sociopath Wanker? Two days in, we turned to eachother at dinner and said "We're not going to get along with this gimp". And lo and behold, we were right! Sociopath Wanker enjoys using other people's dishes, and having sex very loudly. He also appears to be nocturnal, deaf, and the concept of empathy seems to evade him. Bad news for Tiny Little Baby Feet, who is in the room next to his!

Sociopath Wanker also has a girlfriend, named Sociopath Wanker's Girlfriend. She is a drop-out who is probably going to get fired pretty soon, if she hasn't already. Like Sociopath Wanker, she also enjoys having sex loudly (monkey noises) and has no idea what the word 'apology' means.

Their song is: Avenue Q - You can be as loud as the hell you want (when you're making love)

The Writers

"Fringe Girl and Tiny Little Baby Feet have been friends for six months, in which time they have learnt a great deal about one another and have made stirling observations about the people with which they live. They met one September afternoon, during which Tiny Little Baby Feet had a very messy room, and felt the need to excitedly declare that she had a laminator."

We are first years at an undisclosed university, and decided to share our thoughts on the interesting people that we live with (and a few others) with the world.

Sometimes these people are wonderful, sometimes they are irritating, but they are NEVER dull.

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